Same Noise, Different Year

What it was, what it is, did it change? Evolve? Are questions always followed by question marks? Do all questions have answer? Chatter, background chatter. The fans blowing 84 degree air around in the high humidity. Sometimes the TV, Hulu or CBS these days. Sometimes music, Placebo, Beatles, Moody Blues, Waterboys, some others I choose, many random others chosen by youtube. The sun burns and stars twinkle. A rooster crows. Dogs bark. The stomach grumbles and gurgles. So much chatter, inside and outside and all around the universe.

Busy Life Again

Working full time again, lower salary, but enough to survive and save a bit, but just a bit. The never retire and relax and find peaceful sharing at home grumbles fill the background, but then, that's nothing new. The new roommate in the new space is an odd one, sleeps a lot, watches TV, plays video on an ancient computer, no social life that I can tell. Eats horribly and makes my food jones challenging to harness. Loneliness is the loudest background noise, but that too, always.

Another Space, Another Job

Moved to another friend's place in a cool part of town. Starting a part time job at a friend's business. Savings winding down. Anxiety mixes with carefreeness and wondering if it's time to just move on to the street. There are pluses to being that free. So much background noise, life is loud. Busy with distractions, helping people, busy playing cards a few times a week, busy playing softball even more. Hanging on.

Summer Heat

The quiet of the border between suburb and forest is is so peaceful, but there are grumblings from the landlord who seems to want more and more from me even though the deal was I could stay here for years. The background noise, the unspoken words, suggest that the years are becoming months pretty quickly and I've been here for three months now. No TV, but internet. No income, savings winding down. Trying to stay sane. Alone. Grumbling inside. No one hears it but me.

almost none now

the dog, the cat, the roommate is gone and i am in another space almost in the woods with very quiet neighbors and very rare road noises and so, there is the fridge, the fan for the laptop (cuz it would overheat without it), and the music (when i remember to change the cd and keep it going)... the previous entry discussed how it all seemed so profound... perhaps because i was reaching within the deeper background noise in my head or beyond in the stars... i forget for the moment... not quite senility, just apathy on steroids... perhaps i'll add a link if someone cares...

it all seemed so profound for a moment

that is what happens when you care, everything becomes so much more important, and so much clearer as caring brings clarity, or is that just delusion like belief, or something like that... sometimes truth is found in the background noise... the what?... pity the fool, no doubt... it is easier to laugh than to cry, given the choice... aye?... and in the cluttered scream, did you lose your mind?...

not less noise

just less noticed... that is what happens when life gets busy and the focus of the brain is on rushing around just getting things done, interacting with others, taking care of business, and simply (or not so simply at times) in many more ways, living the life... the clutter remains, even if it is moved around a bit... no time to think about it, no less do something about it... must make time for laundry though... the constant screaming of the tinnitus gets lost in the hustle and bustle and concentration on other things, but it remains a constant distraction and much of the time, constant irritant to the subconscious which can have so many detrimental effects, the most serious likely to be reduced rem sleep, or at least reduced deep sleep, so the body and mind gets used to never being as rested as it can be which probably takes a decade or few off the life span, alas... it may at times stimulate creativity by irritating the mind and at times squash it, not just with fatigue, but with distraction... in the quiet moments, it leaves me wondering if anybody cares...

and does anyone share a similar experience...