Friday, March 18, 2016

almost none now

the dog, the cat, the roommate is gone and i am in another space almost in the woods with very quiet neighbors and very rare road noises and so, there is the fridge, the fan for the laptop (cuz it would overheat without it), and the music (when i remember to change the cd and keep it going)... the previous entry discussed how it all seemed so profound... perhaps because i was reaching within the deeper background noise in my head or beyond in the stars... i forget for the moment... not quite senility, just apathy on steroids... perhaps i'll add a link if someone cares...

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

it all seemed so profound for a moment

that is what happens when you care, everything becomes so much more important, and so much clearer as caring brings clarity, or is that just delusion like belief, or something like that... sometimes truth is found in the background noise... the what?... pity the fool, no doubt... it is easier to laugh than to cry, given the choice... aye?... and in the cluttered scream, did you lose your mind?...

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

not less noise

just less noticed... that is what happens when life gets busy and the focus of the brain is on rushing around just getting things done, interacting with others, taking care of business, and simply (or not so simply at times) in many more ways, living the life... the clutter remains, even if it is moved around a bit... no time to think about it, no less do something about it... must make time for laundry though... the constant screaming of the tinnitus gets lost in the hustle and bustle and concentration on other things, but it remains a constant distraction and much of the time, constant irritant to the subconscious which can have so many detrimental effects, the most serious likely to be reduced rem sleep, or at least reduced deep sleep, so the body and mind gets used to never being as rested as it can be which probably takes a decade or few off the life span, alas... it may at times stimulate creativity by irritating the mind and at times squash it, not just with fatigue, but with distraction... in the quiet moments, it leaves me wondering if anybody cares...

and does anyone share a similar experience...

Friday, February 28, 2014

flash

didn't even notice another year go by

Friday, March 15, 2013

almost forgotten, almost ignored

almost... the ear rings... the neck aches... the foot healed... the arm hurts... the belly bloat comes and goes... the dog begs... the dog farts... the dog stares... and lots of catching up on daytime tv, ncis, castle, the mentalist, psych, dr. who (probably leaving some out) and nature and science shows... chilly temperatures... moved into a new place so the highway sounds are gone, a lot more birds in the morning, sweet natures sounds... bigger place, more comfortable space, we love it here... though clutter of boxes in the bedroom as the arm injury has delayed unpacking... all this background noise plays as i relax most days in a semi-retirement between jobs (not looking, but if the right job found me i'd probably go back to work)...

what's going on in your background noise?...

Monday, June 11, 2012

so many changes and yet

still, reading the last post while sitting here way too awake at this hour (glance at the time stamp) brings me to realize the only change from the previous entry is that my roommate is back (and her little dog too, ah, my pretty, cackle)... actually, there are some other major changes, but only partly... the ear rings, the clutter is even more cluttered, the pain in the neck comes and goes, and the loneliness is louder than every some nights (like tonight)... changes include a new bed... and a hurt foot... the bed, however, is still in it's plastic wrapper... has been long before the foot was injured, but now the foot is keeping me from doing anything so the procrastination has a fine actual physical excuse...

it's bullshit, of course, because i probably wouldn't have done anything if i could, but it's a true physical limitation... the noise remains... clutter and loneliness screaming the loudest, with the actual ear ringing and foot and neck almost as loud... bloat and fatigue smack me around physically as well... all in all, the self-destruction is quite effective...

so?

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

forgetting

i forget about it too easily which is a blessing and a curse... the blessing is less conscious distraction, frustration, or agony while the curse is doing nothing about the continuous subconscious distraction, frustration, and agony... it's ok though, i am too busy to think... and too busy to wonder if i am too busy to care...