lost in the noise

everything that matters, meaning, why, lost in the noise of life, the background... this all might have been quite profound, revealing, even, had anyone notice or, had i, but the screaming easily drowned out the hope which turned the dream into a nightmare and who wants to return to nightmares, after all, given the choice... you did know there was always a choice, right?...

mind games

memories are the background noise of the mind, the distractions that play from within like the TV you aren't really listening to, but never seems to go off and then there are the fantasies, the desires and the dreams all becoming questions that tickle and haunt, sooth or grate, from soft down to sandpaper, the constant mind chatter provides a never ending stream of background noise from within... sometimes it might be a song, sometimes a story, sometimes just a glazed over stare into space... all the mind games played with or without our conscious awareness... background noise, mind games, forever...

silent music

so the joke was on me, but i still seem to have the last laugh because most of the time, nobody gets it… the blessing of such a sense of humor cannot be valued or expressed, but merely enjoyed and appreciated… someday i hope you understand, not me, but yourself… you can listen to the music (if only every song still played, but so it goes… and still i am the only one who knows)…

static

i believe in love, but i know that nobody cares today, not about me personally in the life i live, not the caring that is a verb… there is limited long distance caring, even from those who live around me, but no investment in the interactions, no compelling concern to help or take notice or truly know… it may be that the world was never meant for one who would die for love, but surely the intensity is not too much for everyone… i wander the streets, the social scenes, the private parties, the dinners and dances and movies and shows… face after face pass before my eyes and so rarely is there eye contact, so rarely is there a genuine smile of caring, no less an action… and perhaps this is the world as i have made it, but still, i believe in love… and i believe i am open to it, actually doing it, and hoping…